10 Ways to Be a Better Lover – Tips for Men

What do women want sexually?

Most of the men that I work with want to understand their loved ones better. The first step is to find out her preferences, what she likes and dislikes. You can do this by asking her.

Tips to becoming a better lover for men

Tips to becoming a better lover for men

1. Women are different than men. Men can be very content just hanging out and being with his partner, watching TV, walking, driving etc. This shared activity is a type of intimacy that men are used to with their buddies. Women want interaction!  Yup, that is face to face interaction which leads us to number 2.

2. Women love words and talking. Women view a heathy relationship as one in which there is talking and open communication. Even if there is conflict women tend to view things more postively if they can talk about it openly. Don’t forget the obvious here women love compliments and affirmations, who doesn’t?

3. Women think of sex as part of a close relationship. The media, television and the movies tends to confuse this issue. Most women that I work with that engage in sex without intimacy view it as unappealing and bad.That’s right, “casual sex” doesn’t work for the majority of women. My clients report feeling empty, bad and shameful afterwards.

4. Women want men focused, listening and paying attention. This is one of the most common compliments I hear; “He isn’t there” or “He is off in the Bahamas”, “Where is he?”  PAY ATTENTION WHEN SHE IS TALKING! Give her attention. Here is a little extra tip, most women that have affairs report that they did it because their affair partner paid attention to her.

5. Women want to be taken seriously. If she says no, stop what you are doing. This goes especially for sexual behavior. If she doesn’t want sex right now you can still try to convince her but if she doesn’t like something you are doing such as blowing in her ear, then stop. Don’t belittle or shame her in front of others, nothing kills sex drive for women than not feeling safe.

6. Women want to talk more than men, especially after an argument.  Something I see regularly is after a fight men want to have sex to reconnect and calm down. She doesn’t want to because the conflict isn’t resolved. Here is that difference again. Any words will do in this situation, rather than pretending that the fight didn’t happen. “Honey, I know we aren’t resolved yet but I would like to make love now”. This will go a long way to bridge the conflict gap.

7. Women are turned on by words, communication and connection NOT visually like men.  Another difference! Seeing a naked female body is a real turn on for men, not so for women. Men’s sexual fantasies are much more visual than women’s. She might go to the strip club with her friends but it is more to be with them than to get arroused.

8. Women don’t want to be rushed. Women like foreplay and the afterglow. Touch her, caress her but do it gradually.Here is that attention thing again. Women generally want things to go slowly and gently.This is very different than the way the media portrays sex.

9. Women want men to talk about sex. In general, men request sex more than women but they rarely never communicate about it. I have worked with many couples that report they never talk about sex, at all.Period Can you see the irony here?  If you miss her and have been thinking about how beautiful she is, tell her. If you liked something she did recently tell her that. TALK. Many women experience this lack of communication as a lack of caring or that her partner is withholding love and appreciation.

10. Women want to talk about sexual problems. Men are you paying attenion?  if there is a problem it is important to acknowledge and talk about it. If either of you are having problems with any part of your sexual life it is better to stop the silence.

In summary: Women want men that are present, communicative, attentive and respectful. Your turn…what do you think can help a man become a better lover?





6 thoughts on “10 Ways to Be a Better Lover – Tips for Men

  1. Women are very sexual if the trust and confidence that she’s wanted is there.
    It’s all fair and normal that men still notice other women and sneak a peak…..but have the respect and do it discretely. If you really love and desire your woman, why make her feel insecure about herself by going ”That Jennifer Lawrence (or whoever) is smoking hot.”…..a woman can be happy and confident with her body and still feel insecure when there is often comments about how hot and stunningly beautiful that artificial beauty in the media is.
    You wanna be a good lover? Make sure she feels like she pleases you more than enough….make sure she feels desired so she trusts you to really let go in the bedroom and feel good about herself doing so.
    A lot of times, men fail to please their women because she’s not 100% in the act…..a certain position is uncomfortable or she feels she looks unflattering…..as a females orgasm is more in her head than anywhere else, the man should try to make sure she feels comfortable with herself getting naked in front of him and letting go of every inhibition. It will help her immensely to feel and enjoy the things you do to her body while you look at it in every detail.

    This article states very correctly that male and female sexuality works very differently. But that doesn’t mean women are less sexual. Women just don’t need sex as much as men do….but if the relationship is as it should be and you treat her and her body with the respect she deserves, she won’t leave you longing for anything cause she enjoys the sex just as much as you do.

    So in summary: There’s many forms of disrespect and some are worse than others. It’s very likely that your woman always tries to look nice and appealing for you….so don’t disrespect her and dismiss all her efforts by looking at other women. You decided to be with her, so focus on her. Evrything else is pointless and only does harm.

  2. Hey I am unsure what my girlfriend is trying to say when she mentions that she has sexual dreams about girls. We have been together for 8 years. I am 32 she is 28 and in a happy serious relationship. Is this a way of telling me she wants to explore a girl and if so with me or just her? Im confused but I’d be ok to try… of course. How should I approach this as I dont want to make her insecure by jumping at the idea either.

    1. Hi Jeffrey,
      I would talk with your girlfriend about this directly. Having sexual dreams about the same sex does not inherently mean that she wants to explore sex with women. It is always best to be direct with your questions. Good luck.

  3. I have been married now for 18 years and I just wanted to say thank you for writing this article. I’m a 39 year old male and my beautiful wife is 36. This article is so true in so many ways and if men actually followed these simple steps then they would be much better lover. The fact that men and women are so different on so many levels is amazing to me. But I also think that’s why we are drawn to the opposite sex. Women in my book are such the superior sex and it’s not even a close race. My wife “god bless her” is so damn strong on so many levels it sometimes makes me wonder is she a robot or something, LOL . I mean she takes care of our girl’s, animal, house,chorus, as well as deal with all of my testosterone. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I get worried about bills and if our kids will grow up and be successful and not to mention our oldest daughter is about to start looking for a college so that alone gives me a lot of anxiety. But what amazes me is how cool and calm my wife handles everything in stride while always maintaining a gorgeous smile. God bless her and all the wonderful women out there.

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