I am often asked this question: “My partner works with their affair partner. What should we do if we want to heal our relationship.”
- Both parties need to cease all contact with the affair partner. For the betrayed partner: Stop looking up activities on social media, text, or phone to find out details that the involved partner has yet to disclose. It is important to stop all activity and commit to healing together. For the involved partner: Stop any contact, including thinking or dwelling on the affair partner. This includes worrying about the hurt you caused to the affair partner. Make a commitment to heal your relationship.
- Consider leaving the your job or relocating in the company. If this is a possibility, it can greatly enhance affair recovery. Most people never consider this as an option. Those that do have an easier time moving past the affair. Check yourself: isn’t your relationship more important than your job?
- Create accountability at work. Most people find it dreadful to tell a boss or superior about an affair and worry that it reflects poorly on them. The opposite is true. Most bosses appreciate integrity after an affair. Your boss may be able to help separate the two of you and minimize contact.
- Create a safety plan together. Some examples that people have used are:
- No private meetings alone between the former affair partners.
- The involved partner calls the betrayed partner during the day to check in and report about what is happening at work.
- The hurt partner comes to work for lunches.
- The unfaithful partner posts family photos.
- Any meetings with the affair partner are disclosed as soon as possible.
Let me know what you have done to ease the pain of a workplace affair.