If learning communication skills was an easy task for people that are having relationship problems, then people would just use them. People learn communication techniques all of them time, such as “I” statements. The problem is that once things get stressful in the relationship, communication tools get thrown out the window. People say, “I know the communication rules, but I got to emotional to use them.” The problem is that communication problems are really due to a disconnection in the relationship which causes emotional reactivity. When people get emotional all good thinking is lost.
Good communication between couples is easy when they feel connected. However once they feel threated by disconnection couples communicate poorly, here is why:
Remember that communication is about connection. Awkward communication happens all of the time, it is forgiven when the connection is strong. Couples counseling can help you to be more attuned and connected and get to those more vulnerable emotions if you have trouble accessing them.